King Freddie had appointed George in place of Cuthbert as England's Patron Saint and Minister for the Environment. Cuthbert was retained as Minister for Subsidence, but George and Prime Minister Merlin were sent to help with Cuthbert's first assignment at a castle in Wales. They lodged at the nearby Lark and Leak Inn and Cuthbert was soon sleeping soundly.
George looked at Cuthbert's armour piled neatly beside his bed. 'Oh, how I wish I had a suit like that,' he sighed. Then he crept across and stroked the shiny surface of the metal. There was not a sign of rust. He picked up the helmet. How lovely it looked, glinting in the candlelight. Could he risk trying it on? He slipped it over his head and looked for a mirror. What a splendid knight he could be with a helmet like that!
It did feel a bit tight though. In spite of his small stature, George thought his head must be bigger than Cuthbert's. He'd better take it off and get some sleep. He pressed upwards on the helmet with both hands. It had gone on easily enough, why wouldn't it come off? He decided to wake Merlin. Slowly the wise man roused himself and opened bleary eyes, 'Yes Cuthbert, what do you want?' he asked. 'No, it's not Cuthbert, it's me, George, I need help to get this helmet off.'
'Why did you put it on?'
'You know how I always wanted proper armour with a fine helmet,' pleaded George, 'I just couldn't resist trying it.'
'Don't worry,' said Merlin, 'We'll get a blacksmith to look at it.'
Next morning, Cuthbert was not happy. 'How dare you put your nit-ridden nut in my helmet,' he raged, 'I only had it fumigated last week; now it will have to be done again.'
'Calm down,' counselled Merlin, 'I'll get the village blacksmith to remove it.'
'You know how I always wanted proper armour with a fine helmet,' pleaded George, 'I just couldn't resist trying it.'
'Don't worry,' said Merlin, 'We'll get a blacksmith to look at it.'
Next morning, Cuthbert was not happy. 'How dare you put your nit-ridden nut in my helmet,' he raged, 'I only had it fumigated last week; now it will have to be done again.'
'Calm down,' counselled Merlin, 'I'll get the village blacksmith to remove it.'
They walked to the smithy and explained the problem to the blacksmith. 'I've never put hand on such a finely-crafted helm as that,' he confided. 'It's a beautiful piece of work now, and I wouldn't want to damage it through the application of either hammer or fire.'
'Certainly not!' said Cuthbert.
'Certainly not!' said George.
'We must preserve my beautiful helmet,' said Cuthbert.
'My head may not be beautiful,' said George, 'but I'm equally interested in its preservation.'
'Quite so,' said Merlin, 'Then it will have to be the pepper.'
'Certainly not!' said George.
'We must preserve my beautiful helmet,' said Cuthbert.
'My head may not be beautiful,' said George, 'but I'm equally interested in its preservation.'
'Quite so,' said Merlin, 'Then it will have to be the pepper.'
Back at the Lark and Leak, Merlin asked for the pepper pot. He told George to open the visor and close his eyes. Then he shook the pepper vigorously into the helmet and closed the visor. There was a brief pause before George gave an enormous sneeze that sent the helmet flying through the air. 'Quick, catch it before it falls and gets dented,' called Cuthbert, but Merlin was ready. 'There,' he said, 'not a scratch,' and handed it back to Cuthbert, who nonetheless complained that it was covered in George's sneeze.
Older Children, teenagers and adults will enjoy reading the humorous tales of Saint George: Rusty Knight and Monster Tamer, as he serves as Minister for the Environment under King Freddie and Prime Minister Merlin the Whirlin. The first book of a trilogy was published in September 2015.
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